This one speaks for itself. I’ve…well, how do you say, been in a bit of a bad place lately. And its interesting because, as much as I am suffering, I’m happy it happened. it inspired me to write this, giving me another creative piece from my experiences.
I’ve never spoken of my personal struggles
Keeping them simply as metaphors like that semaphore message she once held for me.
But deeper inside its like burning…that burning
Like inhalation of flames and fire keeps my soul turning.
And I need it, but I hate it.
Like this bitter passion
I’ll drink it dry while I keep my inner eye
Up towards the sky
Wondering why oh why
Time makes a jest of whatever is mine…
And how she keeps me waiting on the side lines.
I’ve waited my turn for a kick on this pitch
Only to find myself running in place….
And my steps become shadows of who I am.
Who am I anyway? Just another blade on a cyclical fan?
And Her lack of questions and so few answers
I see written on her face the images plain and apparent
And I am without a chance to ask her.
This taste in my mouth I just want to spit out,
But only in words laced with furious verbs
Lest I digress and let loose a flight of hand
Against my inner wall,
Consequences flowing out, bleeding colors slowed down to a crawl.
I’ve felt this rhythm once before
But the drumming inside my chest isn’t what it once was like
Nowadays only wanting to breathe the sentiment, “Do your thing, girl.”
While my thoughts dwell on “Fuck it all.”
Coursing through my veins only echoing indifferences,
Something against my nature but I fear its the only thing that can save me
From the curse of sleepless nights.
And yet she still refuses to look me in the eye,
Believing in faithless acts
Saying it wasn’t “exclusive” when the sum of its parts might as well have been a fucking contract.
But I digress.
As I want to make way for better days
I refuse to let that anger back out of this shell it’s encased in,
Let that fear and doubt out of my inner soul basement.
And I believe in that better place where our souls can rhythmically resonate.
Beyond our facades with inner intentions to perpetrate.
And she can have it…whatever it is she’s searching for.
Because as she spoke, her underlying whispered truths revealed themselves in hidden gestures,
And I saw our paths turn different corridors.
But I know I’ll keep walking on
With a clearer head not hazed by a delusional hatred.
I’ll keep traveling with a love below
And like the Brother says,
You just gotta bite your lip and clench your fist, cause at times
You gotta kick your way through this bitch.
And I’ll keep kicking it
Until there isn’t anything left in my system
Until I’m reminded no more of that feeling
Coupled with senseless cut and paste images
And even if she is my weakness
I’ll doubt no more than I can carry on.
And I’ll dwell no more on the failures of what is and what was you and I.
And with my inner eye sky bound,
Above striated clouds written in verse,
My world in a breath will murmur…
The sounds of better days…
The sounds of better days.
