Howlin’ Beast

(wow, almost a year since my last post!)

I want to sink my teeth into you,
Not something I would say if wanted to taste you on my sheets
But it isn’t a stretch of imagination
As much as it is self persuasion.
And these days its a fickle feeling
Unending in thought, but my blood boils when I’m put in the spotlight
Of my own hesitancy,
Washed with one bourbon, one scotch, and one beer
To elucidate a feeling that was lost in a haze of forethought,
What if’s and what not.
But all the same if I could take a piece of you and savor the flavor
Taste of skin, thoughts, warmth, fears, weaknesses, beautiful bone breaking hopes and dreams.
I’d be complete.

One whole part until that monkey dances circles around my head again,
Calmed only by a swat of your beautiful hands.
I love you and I hate you:
I starve because of you but with your breath on my neck
I’m a jolly green giant; frozen supplement on a self inflicted assault and battery.
And I sit upon a fog horn writing on a whim,
Time limit dictated by my sense of impending doom.
Count down till I see red from frustration.
And as I see you pass by time and again a shadow,
I can’t help but to think of the hunger I may have felt days, hours, minutes, milliseconds,
Time scale transcending moments before.
Painted picture in my head of a hunger held in my chest,
Deep seeded desires to turn you into more than just my dreams.

And I am overtaken yet underwhelmed.
Because its like a drippy faucet:
Want…
Want…
Want…
To the T, on the dot,
Period places in repetition so enshrouded
Only a loaded shot could shake the feeling.
And it burns going down so literally I could almost see the origin of expression.
Illuminated to all things fallible
But the only thing pure is what I want.
You
You.

Beautiful you,
You laced within my frozen breath,
You and effervescent feeling that soaks me to the bone in this canine shower.
But if I touch your naked existence I might explode.
Shattered into a million fragments hidden in the four corners of the cosmos,
Reassembled only with your smile.
This is and this isn’t love
But I don’t get enough of it.
My thoughts dwell of seeping subconcious parables to bide the time
And form the verbs of a manifesto I’m writing
To mediate a whole new set of laws on ‘What Is love?’….
Baby don’t hurt me please…
But deep inside I want you to bleed this delicious poison dry,
Only you can take a bite out of this crime,
You only you could cure this self-constructed,
Misconstrued disease I’ve drawn from thin air.
Magnetic dissonance derived from my heat of passion.

Only minutes later do I hear the bell tower toll,
Time twisting my world of words,
Awakening my realization that I’m the motherfucking monster tearing at me,
Unleashing uncommon occurrences of though:
Self-Deconstruction, functional dysfunction.
But in this lucid sleep rousing awareness favors the nick of time.
Like thunderous murmurs in a dark crowd subsiding: subsidaries of my limited vision,
Self-controlled amnesiatic symptoms.

Lingering only in my heaving perspiration is the scent of you,
Beautiful and sublime.
Still dissipating on the surface like a mist.
Until I twist and turn from lack of sleep, wide awake
A familiar feeling burning brightly like embers on my skin.
Fading away…
I don’t want to shake this feeling,
This taste in my mouth I just want to bite down and keep still.
Fearless though I think I am, uncertainty shocks me into realization
That this is just a madman’s fantasy:
What I saw and felt was a product of a whisper into my ear,
A memory created by the limits of time.
But I am at the end of this rope,
Shut tight as my eyes are, I am losing you:
Your smell and touch a wisp of thought now being stolen by a consensus
Between that twisted feeling in my gut and that hurricane conjured in my mind

But I cannot have you because you don’t exist. Not in my world.
You are just a stranger on the street a world away.
Nonetheless your fleeting form haunts me with such intensity
I cannot tear my gaze.

And so I remain outside myself with a barrier of words
Blocking the way to me and you.
I remain.
So without fear of the consequences of disillusionment
Without fear of unforseen consequences
I drain this cup dry once again.
A reminder of that lost vision
Reacquainted by a gesture and a sigh.
A cold being, shimmering and shivvering.

Howlin’ Wolf.

Tearing at the moon.

I’ll see no more.

My shoes are wet from running through a delirious heat,
Empty of a place where a grey world full of echoes speak
Tongues spun from reverb like a preacher singing to a heart of concrete

I’m no tired no, just floating in this sea of entropy
Wedged between mist and shadow,
Where the rain stops only to send a chill through your lovely bones.

And not unlike a storm, Torrential signs serve to replace
The contrived progress of what I’ve come
to learn behind your spare change

I’d like to retro synthesize this connection
If only to visualize a reason from our solution
Keeping in mind things fall apart when you dig too deep.

But I love that life is beatiful when I see you
Careen through these spaced that we occupy
While counting backwards from five
Nothing but a simplified nonchalance
As we fail to take off.

But without hesitation we push it all along
Uncertain rhythms that I fall upon,
Like winter in a spring that we cut across
With our razor soul.

And I have to laugh at it,
All this rhetoric the debate of spoken prose and con,
That when I see you its like a switch turn me on the spot.

To overload this light bulb and spark this resistor,
And it makes me forget everything except that time when I kissed your
Lips finding common ground such a beautiful turn.

That time when Eyes collided
Transcending questions ignited
Silenced by the furious fire
of the finite.
But what are we left with, if not questions we can’t answer?

But I sit with an elixir in hand watching clouded spirits pass,
Watching the law of thermodynamics prove our bound spirituality
That what is real is seated in the rational, the metaphysical world that we all have.

That it is beautiful,
That it contains me and you.
That it is not lost in the consequences of victories and mistakes that we try to prove.

And I can breath in your heartbeat,
Taste the smell of you imparted upon my sheets,
Hear the sound of a nestled jumbled dream
Echoed from a mile between you and I.

But the truth of the matter love is that we are worlds apart,
Divided yet interconnected in this maze of questions,
I have to ask, where do we start?

Like a tempo in tune it was ephemeral, ethereal
Startled by a touch and a ripple in this water
That, undisturbed, was so clear.

But I’ll settle it in a place where hearts fear collision
Where the rhythm of indecision won’t keep me from
sweet freedom.

And I’ll see smiling faces
Where the love below isn’t kept hidden,
where woven words created aren’t just traces of places in time
Where we fall and fail to iterate a tone of complacent
Unity.

And somehow I’ll walk along the stream that runs to your sea,
Letting it be at peace
Just a taste of wisdom imparted upon a dream.
Listen to my feet, listen as we take steps beyond fragements
Beyond concepts that have us reeling.

And when time dictates limitations,
I’ll replace this heat of delusion with limitless precision.
To define the beauty of this world of words.

Reduced to just the parts of you and I
Unified perfection of peace at the moment
Our soul’s take flight.
And as these fireworks strike at the twilight,
I’ll be replaced by a calm that spreads across my sky.

Until you and I are nothing left but concepts of the stars above

Until I see no more.

Until I’ll see no more.

Resonate

This one speaks for itself. I’ve…well, how do you say, been in a bit of a bad place lately. And its interesting because, as much as I am suffering, I’m happy it happened. it inspired me to write this, giving me another creative piece from my experiences.

I’ve never spoken of my personal struggles
Keeping them simply as metaphors like that semaphore message she once held for me.
But deeper inside its like burning…that burning
Like inhalation of flames and fire keeps my soul turning.
And I need it, but I hate it.
Like this bitter passion
I’ll drink it dry while I keep my inner eye
Up towards the sky
Wondering why oh why
Time makes a jest of whatever is mine…
And how she keeps me waiting on the side lines.

I’ve waited my turn for a kick on this pitch
Only to find myself running in place….
And my steps become shadows of who I am.
Who am I anyway? Just another blade on a cyclical fan?

And Her lack of questions and so few answers
I see written on her face the images plain and apparent
And I am without a chance to ask her.

This taste in my mouth I just want to spit out,
But only in words laced with furious verbs
Lest I digress and let loose a flight of hand
Against my inner wall,
Consequences flowing out, bleeding colors slowed down to a crawl.

I’ve felt this rhythm once before
But the drumming inside my chest isn’t what it once was like
Nowadays only wanting to breathe the sentiment, “Do your thing, girl.”
While my thoughts dwell on “Fuck it all.”
Coursing through my veins only echoing indifferences,
Something against my nature but I fear its the only thing that can save me
From the curse of sleepless nights.

And yet she still refuses to look me in the eye,
Believing in faithless acts
Saying it wasn’t “exclusive” when the sum of its parts might as well have been a fucking contract.

But I digress.

As I want to make way for better days
I refuse to let that anger back out of this shell it’s encased in,
Let that fear and doubt out of my inner soul basement.
And I believe in that better place where our souls can rhythmically resonate.
Beyond our facades with inner intentions to perpetrate.

And she can have it…whatever it is she’s searching for.
Because as she spoke, her underlying whispered truths revealed themselves in hidden gestures,
And I saw our paths turn different corridors.

But I know I’ll keep walking on
With a clearer head not hazed by a delusional hatred.
I’ll keep traveling with a love below
And like the Brother says,
You just gotta bite your lip and clench your fist, cause at times
You gotta kick your way through this bitch.

And I’ll keep kicking it
Until there isn’t anything left in my system
Until I’m reminded no more of that feeling
Coupled with senseless cut and paste images
And even if she is my weakness
I’ll doubt no more than I can carry on.
And I’ll dwell no more on the failures of what is and what was you and I.

And with my inner eye sky bound,
Above striated clouds written in verse,
My world in a breath will murmur…

The sounds of better days…

The sounds of better days.

Ode to San Francisco Summers

Oh summer to thee, fine and short lived you brought joy to we,
With surf and sand, breeze and warmth,
Goodbye to you now, for we must go forth.
Joined with the seasons are we, hand in hand,
To the crunching of leaves, crisp in the air and on the land.
But forget us not, for oft we pine for you,
Until next september’s eve, we bid you a fond and fair….

…adieu.

Dragonflies

Alright it truly has been far too long since my last bit of work but I suppose it was good…call it creative hiatus. But small talk aside, I’m back and ready to create some more word strings that either don’t make sense or are just strange.

Anywho, this work I’m posting was inspired by some old spoken word/poetry that my brother sent me. I recently found it on my computer and found the beauty in spoken poetry…not laced with abstract metaphors but words drawn from the soul.

So I thought I’d try a new foray into spoken poetry and hopefully you’ll like it!

If words were written
That these sights and sounds could not uplift
I don’t think I’ve ever heard of it.

Even through a shadowy grey tide
I’ve sensed these echoes and tones through space and time
As the deeper soul shook and carved pathways wide

These echoes side step off my walls
Like a written personification unbeknownst to all
Like in this world, this world our word is taught.

These dragonflies fly low to the Earth
Conversating, never deviating, something like a stranger
Though I’ll never know these pieces we keep: do we share them at birth?

These stonewalled dreams I’ve dreamt
Keeps my soul shaking though never breaking intent
And in them misty lanes amplify, sensualize, and vocalize the places we’ve met.

And it’s something like a romance
Merged in between the spaces of the this world of séances
A deeper connection between the sky and what we can and can’t.

But not lost.
Searching that never ends where our bodies touch and cross
It’s where the heat of you and I shifts to the beyond.

I’ve paused to keep my feet in check and time
Though a wise man said, “You’ll never know when you’re feet are off the grind,”
Or the ground, while this world keeps showing me signs.

I just need the reminder…

But if it’s the fear that shapes us, creates us
Deepens wounds and takes us
I’ll only know it when my expiration date catches up.

But for now I’ll just sit under this tree
While the mist rolls past I’ll keep this dream.

And when one day I turn around and see her climbing my tree
I’ll know that it’s everything I’ve ever been
Even If it’s in a shattered shell that keeps me unseen

You and I

You and I are a faded shadow in a dream.

You And I

You and I are barely floating above this Earth.

You and I

You and I are on the wings of a dragonfly.

Haiku In a Line…but not.

Motions like clock-turns,
To create rhythm and flight. Oceans away, home.

A shadow come to life

Here’s one about a certain terrible habit of mine that has been becoming a recurring nuisance…one that I can easily shed, but have yet to prove myself of being able to.

Most of my poems are very similar: they tend to draw on short, incomplete sentences and phrases that represent a current feeling or thought. They don’t often directly tie together and I think that’s the point. For me, its a sense experience in writing. For this poem, I think that’s going to be very important.

Shades of grey
Then, like an afterthought,
the colours return.
Flicker Flicker,
hazed and confused.
It’s something unlike the natural,
It’s something lost and unreal.
Ghosts and shadows, what everyone is.

I stumble step,
Is it like learning to walk?
What if I had no legs?
My thoughts drift.
The din is deafening,
But at the same time
I cannot hear their sounds.
Shadows shadows, filtered words.

I fall and struggle,
Something so basic,
But unbearable at all ends.
Sensing her face, lost in the haze
Details I cannot see,
But I feel them, I feel them.
The words do not come,
When do they ever?

Gone and lost
Memory senses like blurs,
I know it, I know it
I just cannot hold it.
But the smiles I see,
Even through the mist,
The smiles, I see,
They lead to a kiss.

The ghosts
They are like me,
They are lost, unfounded.
They are weak,
They are wild.
But there is no fear,
These shadows wander,
For they are ghosts.

At the end of it all,
Relations are gone.
Hopes that I had,
Now altered circumstances,
Is it who I want to be?
Is it what I want to do?
The rapture comes,
It is only her.

Collapse and tumbled,
The curtain slowly lifts,
Her eyes, they are beads.
Her skin, pure silk.
Intertwined yet unengaged,
Weary hearts,
They go no further.
Bounded and bounded.

My faded memory,
My stumbled steps,
It all accounts for nil.
But it is the touch,
It is the touch.
All else might be lost,
All else a shadow,
But it is like a beacon in the mist.

when her skin was on mine.

Ode to the Storm

The clouds roll past my window
as if each frame were painted by the Earth itself.
It brings with it a storm, full of awe-inspiring beauty
yet filled with terror.
Intertwined in itself,
a contradiction only it can make true.

Such as it passes in time, it contains.
Faster than it seems, yet slow enough to ponder,
As if deep in thought, yet filled with haste.
Expound in exposition,
Thunderclaps, sighs.
Like art on my doorstep, like dreams in my sleep.

How we are dwarfed in their shadow.
They, vessels of creation; sustenance as it were.
What is creation without terror? Beauty without repulse?
Shadowy darkness follows,
The light lingers, pitter patter.
Columns of creation make haste through time.

The View from My Window

It came back to me as soon as it began,
Something of a reminder,
Murky memories ready to exapand.

Past artifical clarity,
Past preception of depth.
Lifting fog, golden light on the levee.

What was it? A view from another world.
The same scene: tears from heaven, tears on earth,
Spirit clouds and and a rapturing murmur.

Reflections in the sky and on the ground,
Images reverberating like echoes.
So much beauty in so much sound.

I stood where I was, not faltering then
Nor do I falter now as the waves pass.
Released from the sky, cleansing intent.

It reminds me of my homeland.
It reminds me of glimmering streets,
Hushed thoughts, simplified plans.

Harder and harder, clearer and clearer
Almost as if I stand there now,
Nature and time gives me a glimpse and suffers me no further.

Like a waking dream these paved streets vanish,
The skin of the Earth born again,
Washing away this complex world with a simple kiss.

People, not worried with goals, schemes, persuits
Pass along hidden in the misty onslaught.
No, not onslaught, rather, the musician’s tune.

A simpler time, unrivaled beauty in its heart,
Intentions of day by day,
Revelations at its end and its start.

But as soon as it begins it must ends.
Hard streets, Man’s mark as far as can be seen,
Why must we destroy what Mother lends?

From this man made clarity conjures my home,
Memories gone past, not lost,
Something far from this world of stone.

My home, my home
I view it through a veil
Amplified by heaven and Earth alone.

When the veil parts and the world turns to silver glass,
Beckoning me is home,
The silent Earth, the mist rolls past.

Silent Road

Cacophonous whispers fill the air.
An illuminated perspective, a golden glare.
Like a droplet of rain upon my soul,
A refreshing sight, I’ve missed it so.

The heat of the day reminds me of the love,
A feeling that I lost, so long ago.
Glimmering shadows intercede the wild greens,
I am all but lost within this dream.

I look upon the sky, the great azure.
My thoughts stray back to those times before.
You were all but mine, yet I was such a fool.
Lost in my concepts, all that I’ve misunderstood.

What use is this cold, oblique rationale?
When all that I find is where I have failed?
The din is deafening, I cannot endure,
Without a day I cannot share with yours.

But when I dream, I’ll see you there.
On the silent road with a golden glare.